saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I had to cum in my sink.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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