Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
