so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
