no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize