oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
