i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
