I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
