drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
