I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
