i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i love accidental penises.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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