You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
