i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize