He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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