what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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