I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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