now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
