so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
