why didn't you poke me back
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
