one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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