I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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