"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He better not be in your backpack
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
