ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize