i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
