chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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