It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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