so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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