i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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