Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
