the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
