i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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