you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
