just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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