I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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