i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
