Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
