Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
