Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
