got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
