like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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