i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
