Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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