I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
