he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are we still banned from the library?
I will pee on everything he values.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
