Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
