You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
