Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
