I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
