i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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