I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
