saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
