youre lurking in front of me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
