420 ftw
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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