I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
