Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
