rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
