I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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