Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
