Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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