If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
