You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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