I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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