I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
