Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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