So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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