Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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