Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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