my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
