is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
