But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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